Ok guys, I could not make this stuff up if I tried, and believe me, I'd try. Today I started my day with a haircut for Kate and then grocery shopping and it all started great; Kate's haircut is cute, it wasn't too crowded and it appeared to be well-stocked. Plus, the Subway had cinnamon pretzels. YUM! Score on all levels!
Now I get that sometimes you have to just run in and grab some milk and therefore may wear sweats or pj bottoms or whatever. I do it. I've gone in post workout in my sweaty gym clothes. Or in the same clothes I was wearing the day before because we ran out of milk before I could shower in the morning. I GET it! I can sort of even understand going commando, it's a personal choice that's probably pretty freeing. I also understand that sometimes people have unexpected bouts of flatulence and even that it can occur in public, what can ya do, eh? You MUST get Beano and don't want anyone else to have to buy it for you.
But, this is pushing it, people! Cue the scene: in the cereal aisle with Katelyn and I faintly smell something that is repulsive yet intriguing in an odd sort of way, and also familiar, I KNOW that smell, I just can't quite remember what it is. Of course, of course smelling something in Wal-mart, not odd at all around these parts, but on with the story. As I'm coming around the corner to enter the next aisle I am abruptly faced with the sources of said stench, a group I can only politely call anti-hygenic. (I think I am choosing the wrong time of day for my Wal-mart excursions or perhaps the wrong place to go all together.) There before me were three people, all of whom had certainly not considered their, ahem, appearance before venturing out into public today. The "Mom" had hair so coated with grease that each individual strand was separated from it's neighbor similar to a grass skirt or I don't know, olive oiled spaghetti? The "Wife" had clean(er) hair, but had not used a comb in this decade. I do believe a family of field mice was residing in the nest she had created. The "Husband" had hair that was close to the "Mom" person AND the "Wife". I instantly felt sad - maybe they didn't have anywhere to clean up, maybe they had hit hard times and had no plumbing...I don't know, I guess I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt...things happen. Right?
And then "Husband" turned around. I kid you not, Dude had a 40 lb gold chain around his neck, a pinky ring and an iPhone. WTH? I think he was a bit confused about which year we are in concerning fashion and was trying to represent the last 30 or so in one outfit. High top, white Nikes with his jeans tucked into them, too. And "Mom" was sporting a serious rock on her ring finger. Not so sure about "Wife", she was wearing jeggings, but she was farther up ahead so I couldn't see much else. Here's the thing guys, I was stuck behind them because there was a column in the middle of the aisle and to the left of it was them. I just stood there stupidly so they of course acknowledged my presence and were now looking back at me, so I just had to stand there and wait. With my eyes watering.
The appearance of money? Street cred? Shabby Chic?
That smell? Hair grease. Yes, I remembered. Dirty, greasy hair.
Not nice at all. I think I'm switching to Kroger.....